Labour Party wins freedom to start electioneering, and releases Biggs

Funny story written by matwil

Thursday, 6 August 2009

image for Labour Party wins freedom to start electioneering, and releases Biggs
Cosh the Labour party!

After a summer of expenses frauds and Labour MPs being forced to stand down, and having realised they had somehow been landed with the worst leader in their long history, Party chiefs today gave the Government freedom to start the General Election campaign. And their first publicity stunt was to release Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs.

Given that the United Kingdom is united in wanting to see Messers Brown and Darling and their crooked friends humiliated at next year's election, and would vote for anyone to get rid of this Government, even Mr. Blobby or a parrot nailed to a perch in a cage, or even an American Presidential candidate, just why such a start to the election campaign as releasing a criminal from gaol should somehow prove popular with the public is rather puzzling.

'It's actually quite easy', said an unelected Labour Party election campaigner from the House of Lords, 'from now on we'll be filling the news up with headline-grabbing stories to divert attention from the worst Labour Government and worst Labour Party leader since the Party was founded. So you can all forget about failing banks and illegal wars, and about endless millions being sent to the EU but giving absolutely no benefits back to the UK.'

'And forget about thousands of businesses failing across Britain, unemployment figures rising every day, prices rocketing, and a Parliamentary Labour Party filled with MPs that have been sacked after been caught embezzling taxpayers' money, and won't be standing again for election.'

'As long as good old Biggsy is let aht and is in the Sun 'eadlines tomorrer, well them Labour blokes gets me vote, me old china plate! And anyway, if it wasn't for the likes of Biggs to make into a scapegoat, half the MPs in Parliament would be locked up in prison.'

Of course, the Government may find it difficult to keep such stunts in the news week after a week for nearly a year, but luckily for them News International now owns the Labour Party -

so expect endless stories from Rupert Murdoch about Biggs, Princess Di inquiries that never ask any questions, swine/bird/marmoset/anchovy 'flus, and of course endless 'our boys' parades, pretending that the British Army isn't now an embarrassment to Britain, illegally helping to occupy Middle Eastern countries because the USA tells it to.

Today Gallup brought out this opinion poll on how people will vote at the General Election:

Conservative 29%
Liberal Democrat 17%
Independents 16%
Labour 0%
Spoiled Ballots 34%
Flu Hype Party 4%

So it looks like Labour's electioneering that has just started will be a waste of time and money, and that the next Government will be a Conservative one, but with no real mandate from the disillusioned British electorate, especially as they have been just as bad at corruption and sleaze as Labour have.

But get down to the bookies now and bet on the Tories winning the General Election - you heard it here first.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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