Leeds-Liverpool Canal Tsunami Wreaks Havoc In Burnley

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

image for Leeds-Liverpool Canal Tsunami Wreaks Havoc In Burnley
If You Pan Down On This Canal Shot You'll See JO Lurking Under The Bridge.

The north east Lancashire town of Burnley, home of Premier League newbies Burnley FC was today faced with a massive clean-up operation after a tsunami in the Leeds-Liverpool canal flooded the town centre with billions of gallons of oily water.

The incident occurred shortly after midnight, when residents reported hearing a huge whooshing sound emanating from the environs of the canal.

This was followed by one almighty splash as water crashed over the culvert on Yorkshire Street and swept through the town centre.

Cars were picked up by the unexpected deluge and swept down St James's Street. Two dossers were hospitalised after being carried away on the massive wave and slammed into the front of Yates's Wine Lodge.

No fatalities were reported, but a spokesman for Lancashire Constabulary described the incident as: "A bloody close run thing."

As investigations into the incident continue, your spoof reporting team was approached by one Maurice Snyde, a bespectacled little chap who offered to sell us the inside story for the price of a pint.

Being morally bound to abhor chequebook journalism, we readily accepted the offer.

Sitting in the pub, a visibly shaken Maurice told us:

"It were me girlfriend, Pauline. She's a right big lass and yesterday were her birthday. We went out on the lash all day. She were thirty-four. She got dressed up like a Saint Trinians schoolgirl so she could get snogs off all t' lads.

"Anyroad. We got hammered.

"So at about midnight we went for a romantic drunken stroll along t' cut bank and Pauline decides she wants ter go skinny dipping.

"Well, like I said, she's a big lass. She stripped off and dived in't cut.

"I couldn't believe me soddin' eyes!

"As she belly flopped, these ginormous waves shot off in both directions!

"All the watter(sic) where we were was bloody well gone. There were just Pauline, all covered in weeds flopping about on t' bottom. I would have laughed but she'd probably have hit me. She looked like the Creature From The Black Lagoon.

"But I wasn't telling her that. I prefer me head right where it is thanks."

Lancashire Constabulary are still investigating and the latest news we have on Big Pauline is that she is being treated in Burnley General Hospital for friction burns caused by canal weeds.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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