Nobody would have imagined that the world's greatest sceptic, Dicky Dorkface, has finally discovered that there is a god.
Dorkface, who is an authority on non-gods, is famous for his poster campaign on city buses where he proclaimed that "there is probably no God, now stop worrying and get on with your life". Such a bold statement provoked much controversy from believers worldwide who raised their own counter-campaign. However, that is all in the past!
He told In Seine News today from his Oxbridge Ivory Tower; "A really incredible thing happened to me this week as I sat down and watched a bit of TV at coffee time in between lectures, just after Postman Pat, came a programme about superheroes called 'The 99'. I was very intrigued as by the title and decided to research it a little more. I discovered that 99 was the number of attributes that Allah (The Muslim god) has, even though it is forbidden to display them all. Rather odd, I thought - why 99 and why is it forbidden and what is the penalty for showing them all? This Allah entity must be a vain fellow!"
"One particular hero called Jabbar the Powerful (a distant relative of Jabba the Hutt) looked invincible but also kind, just and merciful. He was completely different from any other Western Superhero."
"For some reason, I remembered that when I did the bus posters, it was only the Christians that were up in arms - the Muslims did not kick up a stink - i.e. they did not FORCE their beliefs on anyone. In fact, they were so genteel - just like Jabbar the Powerful! Then it hit me!! NO one person can show all attributes of a person with god status, but a group of people could together."
"This simple matter led me to believe that there must be a god after all - it would also allow me to continue to say that there is no God in relative safety because the difference between Yahweh and Allah is the spelling - one has a capital G, and the other has a lowercase g."
