London (Private ward, comfy bed, wide screen tv) Lord Mandelson, supreme ruler of the UK was recovering from surgery tonight after a 'large gland' was removed from his body. It is still a mystery how the foreign body came to be deep inside the nation's favourite politician (?) A young Brazilian male was helping police with their enquiries last night.
Mandelson complained of feeling "a bit queer" during a cabinet meeting on Tuesday night. Many suspect that Mandelson has rushed his holiday and needs longer to adapt to being ruler of the UK. With Gordon Brown unlikely to ever win an election the UK has now moved to unelected Prime Ministers. Mandelson is believed to be the next, although Anita Rani of the One Show is expected to run him close. She is thought to have experienced a large gland or two in the past, although she is yet to require hospital treatment.
With Mandy in hospital the call has gone out to Gordon Brown "Come back from holiday, have an election and FUCK OFF!"
