Written by Earl Grey

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

image for Cheese Tagged In Store Security Drive
Cheese-It's Not Worth It!

Supermarkets have announced that they are to put security tags on cheese. The move follows a spate of cheese thefts from stores around the country. On Monday a large ball of Edam was rolled out of Tesco's in Croydon. Last Friday a cheddar truckle was stolen from Sainsbury's in Brighouse. Police suspect that these thefts are the work of the same gang.

Detective Inspector Doug Walters of the Dairy Crime Squad said "It looks like cheese is being stolen to order. They only touch the top quality, high performance stuff like Stilton, Double Gloucester and Red Leicester. We think they then sell the cheese on to collectors based abroad."

So far the Police have not established any leads. There have been suggestions that it may be the work of insiders. stores have now tightened recruitment policies and those wishing to work on the cheese counter will face rigorous security checks. Geoff Pullar of the magazine 'Cheese Fanciers Weekly' said "Cheese is becoming more of a luxury item. On the black market a piece of Gouda can reach up to £2.50. The new security measures are understandable."

Police have urged anybody with information to contact them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: cheese




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