Chalk and Cheese Resolve Differences

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Thursday, 12 February 2009

image for Chalk and Cheese Resolve Differences
Chalk? or Cheese?

Some put it down to Chalk having lost its dominance in education. Others say Cheese has mellowed over the years. Whatever the reason, it seems that Chalk and Cheese have become less diverse.

The idea that there were insurmountable differences between Chalk and Cheese first came to the fore over five hundred years ago. In Confessio Amantis (1390), John Gower suggests that the two cannot and must not be confused with one-another ("Lo, how they feignen chalk for chese").
In those times, the alliterative pair were considered so far removed from one another that miss-identification was deemed impossible.

Things have moved on. In the last two centuries many cheeses have been developed with a distinctly chalky texture. This is often associated with high levels of calcium, and can indicate a healthier cheese, although some chalky cheeses are also quite salty. Feta, the Greek cheese for example, is usually stored in brine, but when exposed to the air it takes on a chalk-like 'bite' and crumbly consistency.

In some cheese-flavoured products (cheese straws, some powdered cheese sauces and Cheesey Whatsits) chalk is now used as a cheese-replacement ingredient. Although cheeses are not generally used as a chalk substitute, it can only be a matter of time before a specially-developed cheese is seen being used in a game of Hopscotch, or to draw round dead bodies on CSI.

As Chalk and Cheese have become more and more accepting of each other they have lost their tendency to extremism. By putting aside their differences they can now move forward, united by their similarities rather than divided by their history. We can only pray that the trend continues, that a spirit of tolerance prevails and that we will one day see Chalk and Cheese also embracing Charcoal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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