Mother's Harrowing Fraud

Funny story written by Ron Smith

Friday, 3 July 2009

image for Mother's Harrowing Fraud
Harrow School Pupils And Teachers Before The Infamous 'Colour Bar' Of 2001

A mother who lied on an application form to get her son into a better school has had the fraud case against her dropped by Harrow Council. Mrinal Patel claimed that her son was white in order to get him into the prestigious Harrow School. Other discrepancies on her son's application were that her family had wealth 'beyond their wildest dreams' and that her family had English ancestry dating back from before the Norman Conquests, even indicating that her son may have a claim to the throne as a result of an unnamed monarch's indiscretion during the halcyon days of the British Raj.

Mrs. Patel admitted to the council that she had lied and apologised to the school stating that she was "pissed off with toffee nosed rich bastards from wealthy backgrounds being given an unfair advantage in life" and wanted her son to have the same opportunities.

This was the first case of it's kind as parents desperately scramble to avoid sending their children to 'really bad' schools - schools that had scored poorly on the OFSTED inspection or had even had the OFSTED inspector murdered and served with sautéed potatoes as a protest against Jamie Oliver's interfering Make Money Out Of School Children By Giving Them Pricey Food campaign.

Other instances of parents making false claims, desperate to get their children into better schools, were that they lived in salubrious areas of West London whereas in fact they lived in the slums of Tyneside. Some parents even resorted to changing their faith and converting to Satanism so that their children would be eligible to make an application for Eton.

Mrs. Patel said that she was happy that Harrow Council had dropped the case, but would continue to lie on application forms if it got her what she wanted. "No-one tells the truth anymore", she said, "I feel that the government provides the country with a moral compass and they're heading South. They (politicians) all lie to get what they want, so why can't we?"

Gordon Brown, who has recently returned to teaching, said that Mrs. Patel was wrong to lie on her son's application form, but if it got her what she wanted, then it was, "OK, as long as no-one found out".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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