London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): "Of course the House of Ratzinger prime directive still applies," crazed Buckingham Palace Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon confirmed today, "but this is an emergency and only a Big Oil bride will do."
Luce-Cannon was speaking to reporters amid rumors that several of Exxon-Mobil CEO Rex Tillerson's granddaughters are being wheeled out next weekend as potential candidates for a 2012 nuptials.
The Nazi-loving gingernut split up with long term Zimbabwean girlfriend Chelsy Davy Mugabe earlier this year and has been told in no uncertain terms only a bride with a minimum $50 million truss fund will do.
Harry, 24, has already been spurned by half a dozen Rockefeller scionettes and has had to narrow down his potential choices after Paris Hilton Putin started a rumor saying he was impotent, sterile and at least partially gay.
Kate Middleton is already married to a cousin of the Yorkshire Ripper.