Great white Scot/Brit Wimbledon hope Andy Murray announced to over excited, undercover, scumbag Sun/mirror reporters his secret weapons for winning Wimbledon 2009:
"OK, that weeping Swiss twat, no problem there, I'll just announce that I'm the real father of his expected child, stuffed her in the broom cupboard in the London Savoy, Boris Becker taught me that bit of serve and volley!"
"That Mallorcan pair of cohones, no problem there either, just announce that he's as gay as Martina Navratilova, also that he loves to cross-dress in her special, tight ex-Wimbledon hotpants and he's having an affair with Pete "serving, spinning round and round" Best!"
"As for Rod-Dick announce to the world that he's only got a five inch DICK and is impotent, that'll certainly maintain his mega lack of confidence!"
"The rest well, no problem their either, just send my mum into their hotel rooms offering steamy, all-night, kinky sex orgies with an old Scottish, power deranged bag, that'll certainly fuck their brains up and open up the both ends of the/her draws!"
The blood-sucking, dribbling Sun/Mirror reporters lashing wildly at their laptops, revelling in this exclusive newsflash issued the following headlines:
Great Brit Andy will Murr-da the rest at Wimbledon, including Knee-Blow-Job, Pete's Best boyfriend Nadal and Weepy-Wimp-Federer and his soon to be born half Scottish, half Swiss baby!!!
Fred Perry will turn in his grave when he hears that Andy has won Wimbledon bringing the title back to where it rightfully belongs, between the crutch of Andy's, power driven Mummy!