Due to the recent MPs' expenses scandal the entire Labour Cabinet was sacked, and here are the new Ministers:
Chancellor of the Exchequer - Ronald Biggs
Home Secretary - Robert Maxwell
Foreign Secretary - Thomson Tours
Minister for Legalised Theft - Hazel Blears
Minister Without Portfolio But Still With Two Free Homes And Two Daimlers - John Prescott
Minister For Ham Acting And Fraudulent Property Deals (And Crocodile Tears) - Tony Blair
Minister For Imaginary Weapon Searches - Tony Blair
Minister For Filling In Fraudulent Expenses Forms - Shahed Malik
Minister For Pulling Grotesque Faces And Talking Like A Gayboy - Gordon Brown
Minister For Turning On The Ignition Of The Gravy Train - Neil Kinnochio
Minister For Swimming In A EU Wine Lake - Neil Kinnochio
Minister For Having Your Cake, Eating It, Claiming Double For It, Making Up Tales Of Bulimia About It, Then Punching Hecklers Who Mention It - John 'Five Bellies' Prescott
Minister For Ministers - Gordon Brown
Minister For Personally Testing Claridge's Dinners At Taxpayers' Expense - John Prescott
Minister Of Holidays In The Sun That We Pay For - Thomson Tours
Minister Of Talking In An Annoying Manner And Continually Getting Caught Stealing, Resigning, Then Being Reappointed - Peter Mandelsson
Minister For Never Saying Anything About Anything In A Posh Voice - David Cameron
Honorary Foreign Minister For Never Saying Anything About Anything In A Ridiculous, Long-Winded, Self-Dramatic Voice - Barack Obama
Minister For Making Lots Of Free Tea - Harriet 'Del Boy' Harman
Minister For Daydreaming About Being Mr. Raffles - Alastair Darling
Minister For Drinking Lots Of Free Scotch Tea - Charles Kennedy
Minister For Being An Annoying Fat Git With A Loud Voice - Ian Paisley
Minister For Being An Annoying Beardy Liar With A Loud Voice - Gerry Adams
Minister For Increasing Income Tax To Pay For All The Ministers' Fun And Games - Harriet 'Del Boy' Harman
Minister For The Art Of Dipping Into The Till When You Think Nobody's Looking - Oliver Fagin.
Salaries will be decided by the Ministers themselves, bonuses will include gold bars, free houses, free cars, unlimited expenses, holidays in the Bahamas, and only visiting Parliament once a year to vote claiming back travelling expenses for the visit, as using Concorde is quite expensive for the essential trip from Peckham, and it had to be diverted to Tahiti due to a bit of fog around Northampton, and then was grounded there for four weeks due to a tragic overfilling of the plane with duty free bottles.
The position of Prime Minister will not be taken, as nowadays it's about as an important job as carefully checking MPs' expenses forms every week, i.e. a non-existent one.
