Bristol, England - Deal or No Deal's banker Mr Banker was yesterday told he will be made redundant, effective immediately.
Auditors spent two days going through the accounts and came out with the grave news: The Banker has given away £6.1 billion to contestants since the show began in 2005, with income of just £2 million made by public telephone votes.
The Banker was given just two hours to justify why he spent such an exorbitant amount of money but could not come up with a plausible reason. His attempts to cheat the contestants previously had resulted in a "West Wing" revolt. Attempts also to bribe the contestants into "swapping boxes" also failed.
Mr Banker has been offered a £700,000/year pension, reminiscent of a certain other much loved British banker. The Sun may or may not brand him The New Piggy Banker.
The Banker will be replaced by The Politician. With the new program system in place, contestants are expected to give The Politician an average of £7,000/per game. The Politician will also be able to claim a further £1,000/day in expenses. Under the new system, losses are expected to be clawed back in just under two years. Host Noel Edmonds is to also have his wage cut or face redundancy.
The famous ringing red phone will also be replaced with a Morse Code system and the fluro lighting in the studio will be replaced with candles under further budget cuts.
Carol Voderman has expressed her interest in Edmonds' position if he is let go.
