Noel Edmonds Diagnosed Insane

Written by Shaworth

Thursday, 12 March 2009

image for Noel Edmonds Diagnosed Insane
A shaved Mr Edmonds in the Shower prior to medication

In a sensational development in the "Deal or no Deal" TV scandal presenter Noel Edmonds was certified as insane yesterday by a medical examiner in Basingstoke Hampshire. Shocked family members and colleagues were stunned by the news that he had been talking to himself on the phone during the iconic TV show, and that the "Banker" does not actually exist.

Noel managed to keep this amazing secret to himself for over two years, as he revived his previously flagging TV career. Recently however his behaviour started to arouse suspicion. He started to have conversations with the banker off camera, at first pretending to use a mobile phone and then eventually with no phone. When challenged by a member of the stage crew he claimed he was on hands free, even though no earpiece was visible, and then shared the humour of the situation with the Banker chuckling along with his pretend friend, winking at a non-existent camera and going to an "ad break"

According to sources close to the show his behaviour became hard to ignore when conversations with the banker would break out in meetings, in the restaurant during lunch, and whilst travelling on public transport. Often Noel would not speak at all, but just nod or groan or chuckle and then tell complete strangers that the banker really liked their style and was prepared to be generous.

It is thought Edmonds was able to maintain the charade for so long because he produces, writes, directs and presents the show. The Hampshire Happy House for the somewhat confused report that Mr Edmonds is now in a stable but medicated condition, after initially demanding to speak to his banker and attempting to make deals with the nursing staff for his release. They deny reports that Mr Edmonds was free for over thirty minutes today when a member of the cleaning staff accepted the Bankers offer of £50,000, only to find the box contained just some grey coloured beard clippings and an empty bottle of fruit shoot.

Me Edmonds will be released three times a week under close medical supervision to continue filming the show as part of his therapy.

More as we get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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