A man ate himself to death whilst listening to Coldplay. It's thought that the boredom became too much for him to bare. This is the first case of self-canabalism since the last Radiohead album.
Gordon Bennett had just settled down in his armchair when the first track started. He was never to regain consciousness. Nor have the band.
Radiohead were once notorious for inducing such activity, but now it is thankfully quite rare. And it is not just linked to music. Several years ago Mrs Edith Moose ate herself to death whilst watching Panorama. And the One Show is thought to be responsible for the growth in self-amputeeism in the west midlands.
The Police issued a warning. They said "Don't stand too close too me".