Warrington train station introduces "No Kissing"

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 20 February 2009

image for Warrington train station introduces "No Kissing"
The Designated Headscarf Area outside the station.

Warrington train station in Warrington has got so tired of trains being delayed by amorous lovers that they have introduced a "No Kissing" zone on all their platforms.

This is not the first such restriction placed on passengers at this old Victorian station, with a nationwide ban on smoking on platforms introduced in July 2007 the thin end of the wedge. The initial smoking ban appears to have given Warrington Borough Council, who run the station, ideas above, well, their station.

"It's getting ridiculous," said Bertie Lion, a regular commuter into Manchester. "There's a board up on the station that's beginning to resemble one of those boards at a swimming pool."

The board does indeed look like a swimming pool regulations board, trimmed in red it starts with no smoking, and then goes on to have pictures for no mobile phone use, no kissing, no eating, no drinking, no suicide bombing, no photography, no thongs, no gymnastics, no gum, no running, no shouting, no animals and hats must be worn by all OAPs.

"We wish to improve the station for every passenger," said Thomas Le Tank, Director for Train Stations at Warrington council. "Our trains are now punctual, the platforms are clean and a pleasant place to be."

The platform itself was deserted this morning, with the kissers, the smokers, the eaters, drinkers, suicide bombers, acrobats and athletes all in designated areas outside the station. When a train did arrive, several people were injured, as they all rushed inside to get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot