Sex shame doctor hailed as a saint

Funny story written by Harry Porter

Friday, 18 June 2004


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A doctor who wrote ‘passion prescriptions' for sex has been struck off by the British Medical Council.

But hundreds of his patients say the controversial GP is a saint who has fired the furnaces of their relationships.

Dr Olsen Wyborowa's unassuming Middlesbrough practice was the modest front for a patient list that stretched across the country.

The doctor stepped briefly into the spotlight 10 years ago when eyebrows were raised by his article in ‘Modern Practitioner' which claimed the perfect relationship needed just five ingredients: ‘love, lust, baby oil, honey and cotton buds'.

That attracted a flood of patients, both men and women, to Teesside where Dr Wyborowa had the perfect remedy for the sexually frustrated - his so-called ‘passion prescriptions'.

For a sizeable fee, a medical report would be drawn up by the GP to be shown to his patient's partner. It would contain some fictitious ailment that could only be cured, or kept at bay, by sexual activity.

Members of the Medical Council heard how Patient X, a male in his 30s, had been diagnosed with "skeletal petrifaction"; the onset of which would mean the inability to ever take a vacation, go out for an evening or do any household chores. The only cure was "energetic, uninhibited sex whenever he feels the urge".

Patient Y, a 40-year-old successful businesswoman from Norwich, required a "total body, honey and tongue massage every Sunday evening", only this would enable her to control her ailment and "continue in gainful employment and, thereby, contribute to the family's financial well-being".

Dr Wyborowa's sleazy practice was exposed by sheer chance. The wife of one patient, a man in his 40s whose ‘treatment' required him to receive a particular sexual act each and every night, finally confided in a friend that she had been performing this duty for three years and her husband seemed no closer to a cure.

She was astonished to learn that her friend's husband was also suffering from the same ailment but his condition required his wife to wear a nurse's uniform, stockings and an eye-patch.

The women consulted their own GPs and Dr Wyborowa, who has also been a retained physician to former US President Bill Clinton and British movie star Hugh Grant, was subsequently reported to the BMC and charged with gross professional misconduct.

A petition from his patients, containing 650 signatures, urged the accusation to be dropped without any publicity, claiming Wyborowa had dramatically improved their sex lives.

It took his peers nearly 16 hours of deliberation to reach a majority decision of 13 to 12 to have the doctor struck off the practitioners' register.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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