December Mortgage Figures Show 'Recovery'

Funny story written by Dungeekin

Friday, 30 January 2009

The financial sector has hailed the first green shoots of recovery, following the surprise announcement that mortgage approvals had unexpectedly risen for December 2008.

The rise, announced by the Bank of England today, shows that mortgage lending rose three times faster than expected for the month after a UK bank actually loaned someone money.

The increase in lending has been traced to the Nationwide, who on 13 December approved a mortgage of £225,000 to Fred Smith, of Doncaster, for the purchase of an £800,000 property.

Business Minister Baroness Vadera has welcomed the announcement that someone has actually been able to borrow money, saying "this vindicates my earlier statement - we are definitely seeing 'the green shoots of recovery', and I can confidently predict that the IMF was wrong and the UK will be out of recession by this time next week".

Prime Mentalist Bipolar Brown was not available for comment, as he's smashed his latest cellphone and hasn't yet got a replacement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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