London, this morning. A plush hotel. - Heather Mills, ex-wife of ex-Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, previously thought to be one of the most reviled women in the world has embarked upon a Madonna-esque mission to reinvent herself.
Mills positively oozed peace and love as she reportedly stated (as rumours abounded of the ex-Beatles' pending marriage to new girlfriend Nancy Shrivel), that although she'd never met the beknighted minstrel's latest squeeze, her daughter had informed her that during supervised parental meetings with Sir Macca and his new bird the new bird was "wonderful", according to the couple's daughter, Bean.
"He's got good taste in women," Mills said as she sipped from a bottle of Volcanic Nutter water. "We get along fine now that we're divorced."
Which prompted this team of cynical boozehound thespoof.com reporters to wonder why Mills had referred to Sir Macca as a woman hater in court.
And testified that McCartney denied her access to her prosthetic limb when she needed the toilet.
Further, that she'd have to fly economy class, despite receiving a multi-million pound divorce settlement.
(Yeah, riiighht...)
So this branch of the spoof.com's investigative reporting team repaired to the bar, whereat we consumed copious quantities of Creme de Menthe, and concluded, rightly or wrongly that:
Mills is trying to reinvent herself as a caring, sharing, ever tolerant, long suffering ex-wife of a former Beatle who was an intrinsically nice person all along, but sadly misjudged.
Despite her well documented media rants.
And flinging water at Sir Macca's barrister in court.
And the fact that most of her sordid past, apart from the call girl bits, were merely figments of the imagination of a woman under severe stress.
Or a compulsive liar.
This Spoof reporter says:
"Welcome back to the fold Heather, we love you really, you lying conniving two-faced Geordie cow."
But this is only this reporter's view, and not necessarily that of the spoof.com.
For fuck's sake, she's a shoe in for 'I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here' or some other crap celeb career relaunch reality show.
Yoko Ono eat your heart out.
More as we get it.
