Sir Paul McCartney Buys Woolworths

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 27 December 2008

image for Sir Paul McCartney Buys Woolworths
The new boss of Woolies

There was joy across the Woolworths empire today, when the entire chain was the subject of a last-minute buy-out by the self-made multi-millionaire, and former Beatle, Sir Paul Mills-McCartney.

Sir Paul, fresh from his divorce settlement with ex-wife Heather Mills, stepped in with only minutes to go before the entire Woolies organisation went under, and saved more than 30,000 jobs into the bargain.

The Liverpool branch of the store would have been amongst the first to close, and staff there spoke of their "absolute love" for, and "undying gratitude" towards, the singer.

One worker, Mandy Skally, told us:

"It's all down to Macca, or whatever his name is."

Woolworths had been the victim of the worldwide Credit Crunch, and had amassed debts of more than £385million, but Sir Paul believes he can single-handedly turn around the fortunes of Britain's biggest Pick 'n' Mix retailer.

Store manager at Liverpool Woolies, Steve Robberson, said:

"Sir Paul has come up with an amazing gesture that will save Woolies, and particularly the job security of many on Merseyside. He told me to say that."

McCartney is believed to have paid nearly £200million for the chain, including in the contract, a clause that makes it obligatory for each and every one of the Woolworths staff to purchase any new albums Sir Paul releases.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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