Today many were asking why David Cameron is the Conservative Party leader, as he made yet another uninspiring bleating speech about nothing very much.
Labour Prime Minister Gordon Brown said :'Ha ha ha, don't ask me, the guy's so dull he makes John Major seem like a dynamic, inspiring character, the only worse leader the Tories could have is Boris Johnson!' And his predecessor Tony Blair added: 'Um, look, ok, so Dave copies my sorta kinda groovy nice-chap way of speaking. But no way was I always making such vapid and boring drivelling speeches as he does - no way, Gabriel Garcia Marquez! And, er .... '
We tried to interview another former PM, the Iron-Corsetted Lady Margaret Thatcher, about Cameron's tenure as leader, but she simply spat on the ground and went off to pick a fight with some coalminers. But in a surprise move of support for the beleaguered Tory leader, American President-elect Barack Obama said: 'Sure, David is taking the Conservatives in the right direction. Yes, it's a direction of changes and meaningless soundbites, and lots of waffling to make people not notice nothing is actually being said - and I think Condi will agree with me there, judging by her latest empty statements about what is, after all, a world problem that affects us all, one that I hope David will be joining me in a new way forward, back to the future of the past hopes and fulfilments of the 21st century.'
Lady Thatcher was seen gathering together a firing squad, made up of herself, Norman Tebbit, Winston Churchill, Benjamin Disraeli and Robert Peel, but not including Edward Heath, of course. 'If he gets asked if he has any last requests', she said, 'Cameron will probably say 'Yes, can I have a latte frapuccino and a macaroon slice, please?'', and with that she stormed off to have tea with her adopted son, Tony Blair. 'Labour isn't working, Conservatives have never worked', will be the new Tory slogan.
