When South Africa trampled England by ten wickets in four days, Captain Michael Vaughan was looking for someone to blame:
"Somethins not cricket 'ere! This Pattinson seamer seems a bit unseemly to me 'n me mates! Back niggles or not, how can we play without our familiar blokes and our usual buzz? English cricket counts on the familiarity of the dressing room if ya get ma meaning (wink wink nod nod). Darren threw off the chemistry though he did try his guts and and bowled some good spells.
"In fact I felt a bit sorry for the lad. How do you go into a dressing room of a bunch of strangers and expect to hit it off, if you know what I mean. Plus batting a keeper at No. Six...I'd like to know who had their head up whose arse! Even South Africa's Smith figured that one out. And as for some dinnertime melee between me and that twit de Villiers... nobody can prove nothing of the sort happened. We'll have our dressing room unity and balance back or I'm not the Captain that introduced the beast with two backs to the cricket dressin' room and the Boers better watch out!"
