David Davis resigns to fight for British Gas to answer phones more quickly

Written by Steddyeddy

Friday, 13 June 2008

image for David Davis resigns to fight for British Gas to answer phones more quickly
A suspected member of the Al-Attendanta terror brigade after 28 days detention

Hot on the heels of his recent resignation, Secretary for Shadows in the next Conservative Government, David Davis, has decided to contest the seat he resigned from in a by-election organised to replace himself with himself.

His election agent, Sir Norman Foulup, spoke from his campaign headquarters in an office in the country.

"I think it was a very honourable thing for David to do, resigning as he did from the Commons on a matter of principle and stupidity. The fact that he objected to British Gas being allowed to take 42 days to answer the phone rather than 28 days is very laudable indeed. The Labour party have had so many leaks, we have decided to fight this one on a matter of national gas.

"The by-election is going to be a very hard fought one. 'I promise you this and no more', as Jim from Coronation Street used to say before he went to jail and didn't pass Go or collect £200.

"Although no one else is contesting this by-election, David will nevertheless have some tough opposition from himself. He cannot afford to be complacent and must face up to the fact that in a showdown where he faces himself for crucial constituency votes, he may end up losing his majority to himself, meaning that he will end up getting elected to parliament instead of himself.

"We in the Conservative party can promise that we will back David regardless of whether he or himself gets elected in what looks like being an extremely tough one-horse race."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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