With concern that the British Armed forces are becoming rapidly depleted, Mr Henry Allingham has decided to do his bit for Queen & Country by re-enlisting for active service in the Royal Air Force.
Over 75 years after being demobbed, the 112 year-old flight engineer is really angry at the conditions flyers face in Afghanistan.
After a VIP meal at RAF Cranwell, Mr Allingham, from Ovingdean, near Brighton, told In Seine News;
"The government is a complete ass! I am fed up with them just taking short-cuts all the time. They ought to use their noggin a bit more. I have been doing bugger all for the last 30 odd years except go to remembrance parades, mess about in this wheelchair, go and talk to schoolchildren about how to escape the trenches. Furthermore, I keep going to these VIP nosh-ups (I'm already 3 stones overweight) and every year the Queen, God bless her, sends me a birthday Card."
As a Lancaster bomber, Spitfire and Hurricane, from The Battle of Britain Memorial Flight roared overhead, the Great, Great Grandfather said;
"Look at this, I know it's a great honour to be feted like this, but let's get our priorities right; this flypast must have cost a Traffic Warden's wages in fuel alone! They do this to me every year and I'd rather have a change. The money should be sent to the front line. I want to lead by example and I am going to Kandahar next month - it's more than those lily-livered politicians would do. When I was in the Royal Flying Corps, I was on 2 shillings a week, so it will be nice to have a pay rise!"
Mr Allingham attributes his long life to cigarettes, whisky and wild women all of which the government are trying to ban.
"They're trying to kill us!" he warned.
