Woman With No Legs Aims To Break 100 Meter Sprint Record

Funny story written by NewYorkversusLondon

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

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I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky - says woman with no legs.

Brave Barb Walters hopes to break the 100 metre sprint record despite having no legs, and says she will do it without steroids.

The popular local East London lass says she has dealt with challenges most of her life after her alcoholic father accidentally chopped her legs off whilst cutting wood for the open fire at their two bedroom terrace in Puddlebrook when she was 7 years old.

Speaking confidently during a press conference at Puddlebrook community centre following a training session, Barb said she was ready to "put it all on the line, everything and nothing" to achive the dream she has had since she was nearly 7 of being the worlds fastest runner.

Asked how she intended to complete the ask considering she has no legs, Barb replied that "Winston Churchill had a nuclear device strapped to his arm throughout his term, and this did not stop him"

Puzzled journo's enquired asto whether Barb has suffered emotional turmoil following the tragic accident. Barb explained that 'village rumours' that her father had deliberately chopped off her legs because she had a big nose were "simply not true" and denied that her father balances her on a chair, pushes her off, puts her back on again, and pushes her off again.

Barb explained that the death of her mother led to her fathers drink problem yet insisted he had always been a good father.

"He would strap me into a back pack and carry me around town" she said- "people would pat me on the head and say, is she not too old for that- can she not walk? and my Dad would say- no- I chopped her legs off. He was my advocate".

Barb has endured a difficult journey and hopes athletics will finally help her break from the poverty line. She currently works at the local Tesco supermarket licking the floors clean on the overnight shift.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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