Grammar Correction Man Beaten To Death

Funny story written by Rickie E. Room

Friday, 4 April 2008

image for Grammar Correction Man Beaten To Death
Police say 'Don't correct'

Police today revealed that a 27 year old English teacher has been beaten to death by the checkout staff at a supermarket in Guildford, Surrey.

An eye witness said "It was horrible- the man simply pointed out that the sign reading 'ten items or less' should in fact read 'fewer than ten items' because less means 'not as much' and fewer means 'not as many'."

Police say that following these comments the checkout staff set upon the man using cash bags and an assortment of frozen foods. Six employees have been arrested.

This is the latest in a spate of grammar related crimes; A woman was recently defenestrated by her husband when she pointed out to him that he'd said 'providing the weather is fine, I'll wash the car' rather than the correct 'provided the weather is fine', A 65 year old lady was injured by a man after she informed him of his constant muddling of the words 'whose and who's'.

Police are asking the public to be careful and only correct grammar if it is truly necessary or to add sense to complex sentences.

A police spokesman said "If you hear a double negative or a gerund not logically attached to the subject of a sentence resulting in a dangling modifier, just walk on by. Don't offer a correction; it's just not worth it."

"In the meantime if you suspect you have been the victim of a grammar related crime, please report it to the police"

Rickie E. Room for The Spoof.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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