British Musician, Blinded 22 Years Ago, Has Vision Restored By "SCIENCE!!"

Funny story written by ZiaUl-Hack

Sunday, 2 May 2004

(London) Musician Thomas Dolby, 45, who had been blinded 22 years ago in an unfortunate incident, had his sight restored today by Surgeons at London's Stanley Baldwin Ophthalmological Institute.

Although the particulars of the original incident which caused Dolby's sight loss were never made fully clear, Dolby contended at the time that he had been blinded by "Science." One "Miss Sakamoto" had been considered as a suspect, but formal charges against her were never levied, and the heinous crime has remained unsolved over the intervening decades.

Dolby, who despaired of ever regaining his vision, had become deeply depressed because he had "failed biology (and) geometry." Some had suspected that Dolby was becoming schizophrenic, as he was wont to insist that he could "hear machinery," even when none was in the vicinity.

In a 12-hour operation, ophthalmological surgeon Rabathpraknan B. Patel carefully removed scar tissue from Dolby's eyes and painstakingly implanted retinal and corneal transplants.

When Dolby regained consciousness, he began to mutter woozily about "tubes and wires and careful notes and antiquated notions," and it was not immediately clear whether the operation had in fact been a success. However, when Miss Sakamoto (with whom Dolby had long since reconciled), eventually turned on the lights in the room, Dolby exclaimed, "Good heavens Miss Sakamoto - you're beautiful!"

As Miss Sakamoto is, indeed, beautiful, Doctor Patel and his surgical team were able to pronounce the operation a complete success.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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