Windsor Castle - (Ass Mess): Doctors have ordered a non-resuscitation order to be attached to the Puppet Monarch's medical files following poisoned chalice rumors about Wednesday's state banquet for Nazi appeasing French president Nicholas Sarkozy and wife.
"When she croaks it she's going straight into the skip and off to the Slough Crem," NHS Direct said today.
"She's cost the taxpayers a blimmin' fortune as it is.
"Time she was pushing up daisies on some motorway roundabout."
The news was greeted with a sigh of relief as the General Medical Council resumed its deliberations into the gross misconduct of yet another quack doctor bleating from Old Fatty Mountbatten's personal hymnbook.
Professor Sir Roy Meadow and Dr Andrew Wakefield are in the dock after Anti-Terror cops filed charges against them in an investigation about rubbishing vaccines on behalf of IRA front companies.
Both had previously been caught breaking the Hippocratic Oath and swearing allegiance into keeping quiet about cold war atrocities masterminded by the Puppet Monarch.
Camilla is hiding behind a High Grove sofa.
