Government demands ban on fags, fairies, fruits

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Monday, 24 March 2008

image for Government demands ban on fags, fairies, fruits
Fairies like this one will soon be hidden under shop counters, making their clerking duties more difficult.

Ban on shop displays of cigarettes, fresh fruits, and popular sweets like 'Box O'Pixies' has been introduced in a move designed to discourage teens from smoking, eating, thinking, or acting for themselves.

Tougher controls on fag and fairy vending machines in pubs and restaurants are also being discussed, but the public should not expect to be consulted on the proposals, says government spokesman Wilhelm Frick.

Outlining the policies, Public Health Minister Frick said it was "vital" to teach teens that "fags are bad".

"If that means stripping out a thousand 'Box O'Pixies' vending machines and removing fruity clerks from behind English shop counters, I'm willing to do that," he said.

Opposition leader and ex-smoker David Decameron, Tory, who has been fruit, fag, and fairy-free since 2005, applauded the ban, saying:

"As someone who struggled with giving up fruits and fags, it helps if you take away some of the temptation."

But the Association of Convenience Stores said forcing England to hide her fairies would create practical difficulties and result in major problems. The expense of registering known fags alone could be staggering.

A ban on fags in public places in England came into force last July.

Bans were introduced in Scotland in 2006, and in Wales and Northern Ireland in 2007.

Tragic Rabbit, Voice of London, Mars

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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