Britain's top cop, Sir Ian Blair, second cousin to Lionel Blair, danced with joy today (Joy is his wife) as he has been approached by the Portuguese Police with a possible employment opportunity.
Talking from his home in Letsby Avenue, Sir Ian, (28) told In Seine news: "I've had a bit of a rough deal this year and find myself in deep water over my 'trigger happy' juniors. It seems that everyone is pushing me to resign - even the Portuguese Police. However, they are the only ones to offer me a better position than I've got now."
He then produced an airmail letter from his jacket pocket and read it aloud to me;
"Dear Sir Ian, you must be aware that both of our police services are hitting the news a lot this year. Since Saddam Hussein has gone, there is no REAL news to report so they pick on us, or you. I just want to tell you that if you do resign and want a better job, we can offer you one as Police Commissioner for Portugal. You will have a luxury villa with swimming pool, a chauffeur driven car; driven by Monsieur Jean Paul, (Henri Paul's younger [teetotal] brother) and a salary of 28,846,329 (about £100,000) per annum. It is always sunshine here"
"PS because you are a knight, does that mean you are Royalty? We have always wanted a British royal family connection! Sincere yours Mario Gonzalez."