US to use "terracotta" diplomats for service in Iraq?

Funny story written by King David

Saturday, 3 November 2007

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Terra cotta diplomats in Iraq?

After the state department emailed 250 diplomats and told them that they may be asked to fill over 50 positions in Iraq next year, outrage was sparked in those individuals that received the mail.

"We don't give a shit what our president wants us to do," said veteran diplomat Jack Curmudgeon, "we're not going to go."

But white-washed, Oreo, terracotta Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued a statement saying to the diplomats in the most unaffected and legalese, white-upper class jargon possible,

"We must go forward with the identification of officers to serve, should it prove necessary to direct assignments. Should others step forward, as some already have, we will fill these new jobs as we have before-with volunteers. However, regardless of how the jobs may be filled, they must be filled even if we have to resort to terracotta diplomats. There is a theatre of war in Iraq with plenty of collateral damage that certainly are not clay pigeons."

To entice the diplomats and provide restitution for lost spouses in the war on the Iraqi side, the US government is planning to hire widowed Iraqi women to work as sex slaves and live with the diplomats and their families in the newly built bomb-resistant apartments at the new embassy complex.

The complex will also have malls, theatres and shops for the diplomats to visit with their families and newly acquired Iraqi sex slaves and be complete with a ventilation system designed by the British Secret Service, the same people who designed weapons and gadgets for James Bond, to resist chemical weapons attacks.

"Essentially what we have here is more of a high-tech fortress than a center for diplomacy," said one secret service lab spokesman who preferred to remain anonymous--

"A diplomat in Iraq? What an oxymoron."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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