The entertainment world is shocked as Graham Norton, today confessed that although he is outwardly gay; he is in fact a rabid homophobe.
In an emotional interview, he told 'Take a Fake' magazine: "I am fed up of people poking fun at me and thinking I am 'everybody's boyfriend'. I think it's time to put the record straight. I need to get back in the closet and come out of the front door. No-one has done this before, but I am determined to turn my back... err……NO, I Mean front on it once and for all."
"When I went to school at St. Patrick's Boy's High School, I was in the school choir and my music teacher and chaplain was Father Uppitt (we boys nicknamed him 'Uppitt the Muppet'). He was also the local Catholic Priest. Needless to say, he administered some communion of his own when my back was turned. Since that day, I thought I had caught some disease because my wrists went limp and my voice went up 2 octaves."
"However, the experience seemed to launch my career and since appearing in father Ted I have not looked back as I have become one of TVs biggest earners."
BUT,(it is a big but, and not a BUTT!) inside I am not happy. I have seen some other celebrities' careers go bottoms up… err… I mean take a nosedive like Michael Barrymore, George Michael and Boy George. I don't want to go the same way!"
Fighting back the tears, Norton, Great-Grandson of Motorcycle manufacturer, James Lansdowne Norton explained that "When I look at myself in the mirror, I really hate what I see. This has only happened since I had my very own 'Muppet Show'. The feeling won't go away. I am prepared to give any amount of money to be normal once more and that's why I am taking this massive turnaround before it's too late!"
Graham Norton is appearing in Little Britain in a sketch 'I'm the ONLY gay homophobe in the village' in which he burns a pile of Village People LPs.