London (IP) - Our reporter received a disturbing report from a local school aged chap named Pip whose last name shall remain anonymous to protect his privacy.
Pip had been knocked down and injured at a local bus stop while waiting for his bus that takes him to school everyday. A foreign African looking lady had thrown him from his place at the front of the line and he landed on his face and broke a tooth.
The lady had large plates in her lips and rings added over time around her neck had made here neck twice the length of ordinary London folk. She wore a bone through her nose and wore multiple bone earrings. She was stark naked except for a lion hide g-string which covered her lower extremities under a dress made from palm leaf strands.
Pip missed the first three days of school due to his injury and finally on Thursday was able to report to school classes for the first time.
Pip was all excited to be back in school. He knew that his first hour's school teacher's name was Miss Havisham but he had never actually seen Miss Havisham. Imagine Pip's horror when he first walked into his classroom and as his teacher, Miss Havisham, turned around to greet him it was none other than the foreign African lady who had knocked him out of line at the bus stop on Monday.
Local authorities found out what had happened and are now engaged in a campaign aimed at gently training the new folks from south of the equator how to behave themselves in line. London Yard's Police Chief Inspector Povenmire Feenootch says that the main point which has to be gotten across is that it is first come equals first served and not might makes right. He said English folks are slow to anger but eventually they would make themselves heard if the foreign guests were unable to behave with some modicum of civilized conduct.