London - (Ass Mess): UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown's blind truss portfolio bagman has emerged as a dole and benefits cheat claiming disability handouts while earning over £50,000 a year as investment consultant for the PM assets.
"And what's more we think he may also be a bankrupt wanted for moneylaundering of Saddam's $18 billion Oil-for-Fraud scam," Scotland Yard sources said today.
The anonymous bagman is said to have exerted a strange, almost compelling influence over Brown for the last decade and was at the center of a major Scottish newspaper enquiry that claimed it had been threatened with an Official Secrets Act clampdown after publishing a story in 2003 alleging the reason for going to war against Iraq was hidden in a child molestor probe focussing on George W Bush's Interpol records.
Subsequent UK national press reports have alleged that Brown's asset manager has lead a double life exonerating bent cops who dedicated their lives to the concealment of Bush family crimes around thw world.
Gordon Brown is said to be confident that former UK Home Secretary David Wet Blankett did eveything necessary to erase these records.
But a computer glitch in the Dole Cheats Register may mean that Blunkett was unable to destroy vital benefits information that has awarded the anonymous bagman over £300 a week in disability and special housing-related handouts.
"Now all his neighbors are baying for blood after finding out about hsi cosy arrangement," an Arbroath Avertiser source claimed todday.
"He blackmailled them all a decade ago when the going was pretty good.
"However, now that he's applied for planning permission to convert his Glasgow mansion into a sixty bedroom hotel the locals are getting tetchy and may shop him for being the two-faced dole cheat that he really is."
Alex Salmond is a nutter.
