Gordon Brown, the UK Prime Minister, yesterday declared a Jihad (Islamic Holy War) on America. In a stunning statement of just how bad Bush-Brown relations had become, he urged all Englishmen living in the USA to fight back against persecution of their Islamic ally, Osama 'lives in a Bin' Laden, using suicide attacks and taking advantage on lax firearm laws to inflict chaos.
The news comes hot on the heels of the discovery that Brown has attained Hafiz status, meaning that he knows, and can recite, the entire Qu'ran off-by-heart.
It is believed that Bush may copy the Russian attitude and kick British diplomats out of London in a tit-for-tat show of macho posturing by a man with an above-average contingent of banana genes.
In completely unrelated news, Osama Bin Laden has assured Brown that "there will be no more attacks on your country," following a kind donation from the government towards his new Al-Quaida training and recruitment centre in Cornwall.