London - (Ass Mess): A vast resevoir of gas has been found deep underneath Buckingham Palace grounds prompting early speculation that the massive field is liquefied natural gas.
But exhaustive tests have determined the deposit is Zyklon-B, the nerve gas which Nazis used in concentration camps to obliterate all those not on their global domination masterplan.
Digging deep into Buck House archives investigators have found documents showing it belonged to the woman planted by British fascists in September 1940 to impersonate Queen Elizabeth, wife of King George VI who persihed along with their eldest daughter Princess Elizabeth during a Luftwaffe bombing raid over the Palace that autumn.
The gas was manufactured in a lock-up garage jointly owned by the Astor family and the Second Baron Mitford whose family members had a penchant for shagging the Fuherer and his SS cohorts.
Secret documents have surfaced showing that the actress who took on the role of the Queen Mother had a secret son called Frank, who she bore after a heroin-induced tryst with Hitler's Pope Pius XII.
That bastard spawn had the hideous fate of being born looking exactly like US Republican asshole George Herbert Bush, and took on his ID, persona and affiliations after the Skull 'N' Bones Club did a deal with the Mafia in New York.
Part of that arrangement was despatching the young G H Bush into a cement mixer before tipping his body into a ravine somewhere in Yellowstone Park.
During World War II Pius II's young lad earned his fascist spurs by being the financial genius behind flogging off the Astors' and Mitfords' nerve gases to the Nazis and re-investing the profits into his very own organised crime cartels.
But when the War was over there remained a massive glut of the stuff which he hid in a vast trench deep underground under Buckingham Palace "for a rainy day".
Recent covert inspections by the International Atomic Energy Authority have confirmed the Zyklon-B find under Buck House and an emergency plan is being drafted to dispose of the foul deposit without UK voters ever finding out.
This week Ministry of Defence special operatives have been sighted in Palace grounds with emergency pumping equipment doing the business.
An update on this fast-breaking story will follow shortly.
