Boris Johnson has tossed his hat into the ring as possible candidate for London Mayor, causing "Red" Ken Livingstone to choke on his jellied eels today.
An insider close to "Red" Ken said, "Ol' bonking Boris hasn't got a snowball in hell's chance. Ken is as popular as ever, what with his congestion charging, fortnightly rubbish collections, privatised parking enforcement and inflation-busting Council Tax increases. Nobody has any chance whatsoever. People absolutely love Ken, and think that he's running London perfectly."
Boris, now known for his dodgy humour (and haircut) on programmes such as "Have I Got News For You", in which he doesn't actually have any news, was said to be "encouraged" by Ken's belligerance. "Actually, I've got lots going for me," He said, "It's only minor details such as getting Labour votes to turn into Conservative votes. My name, if you didn't know, is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. Now, that is funny, and it counts for a lot if you need somebody wacky and wild to vote for. I mean, if you can get people in Henley to vote for you and your dodgy haircut, anything is possible."
