Amid scenes of wild jubilation today, Britain at last confirmed that it was to withdraw from the EU.
The Prime Minister Gordon Brown, speaking from the steps of No.10, made the announcement to cheering crowds, that were obviously kept several miles away.
"Now, we can really get down to it. No more paying the French not to farm. No more Polish immigrants. No more silly EU working time directives or straight cucumber regulations. We can finally become the Police State that I, sorry we, always wanted to be. I can also announce that as we are no longer paying into the EU coffers, the Chancellor will be making a statement in the House later today, saying that taxes will probably stay the same, or slightly higher, for at least the life of this Parliament. This is good news, and will probably save 200,000 lives over the next 10 years. Our thanks go out to Neil Kinnock, who brokered the deal, which will only cost 135 trillion pounds over the next 22 years."
Edward Heath, who is still waiting for the call to be President of the EU, was said to be "livid" at the deal, and has called for his memoirs to be taken off the shelves at WH Smith.
Margaret Thatcher, who is now suffering from dementia, speaking from her bed at Handbag Mansion, said that it was a poor do when a Labour Government does something right for once, and called for the immediate resignation of the Chairman of the Local Council, who hadn't personally emptied her wheely-bin this week.
Local MP Sir Init Forthemoney was said to be "Too upset" to speak, but did manage to put the money in his wallet.
Gordon Brown denied that the UK had now declared war on France, who have surrendered anyway.
