Brown's outsource the monarchy shock

Funny story written by Spadge Dooley Esquire

Thursday, 5 July 2007

image for Brown's outsource the monarchy shock
Jessica Simpson, mmm

GORDON Brown may carry through sweeping reform of Britain's confused constitutional situation by taking the prudent option and outsourcing the monarchy.

Treasury policy chiefs have obviously been asked to think the unthinkable - and then leak it so we can print the unprintable - as Brown settles in to his new role.

The document reads: "Surveys consistently show that the British public do back the monarchy and believe it serves a purpose.

"However, questioned on individual members of the family they are less positive and may not react with too much dismay were they to be replaced by a more cost-effective royal-human resource."

It is believed that the Brown government is already in talks with monarchies from: Nepal, Dubai, Belgium and Sweden and displaced ruling families from Albania, the Russian Commonwealth and Mexico.

Advertisements obliquely inviting tenders to take on Britain's Royal roles of waving, opening, offending, apologising at lower costs are appearing in such top publications as International Despot, I'm King! And,

The Brown Government thinks millions can be saved with an outsourced monarchy providing low-cost ruling from fast growing developing world economies.

"In reality, the Royal Family is only required on an ad-hoc basis and as our own ruling family has shown in the past, it's quite possible to lord it over several countries at once with advances in technology allowing ruling heads to operate from low-cost bases freeing up British royal sites for proper tourist access," the treasury document says.

Non-royal celebrity royals are also under consideration according to sources close to the new PM, who is said to 'quite like the idea of that Jessica Simpson'.

The news has predictably horrified the British establishment.

Constitutional expert St John Johnson said: "Good lord, can you imagine anything worse, it's unprecedented.

"Foreigners will never rule us!" He added. "Except Germans I suppose. Yes, and those Dutch chaps, and, the French lot too, yes, yes, nonetheless, real, actual foreigners will never rule us."

The Daily Mail turned over an entire issue to the matter, while only the Daily Express seemed pleased, headlining their story: Diana murderers to get chop.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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