Lowton Not Guilty After Shaving Mustache

Funny story written by NickFun

Saturday, 7 July 2007

image for Lowton Not Guilty After Shaving Mustache
A mustache-less Mark Lowton displays method used to alter his appearance

Mark Lowton, Editor and Owner of the satire web site thespoof.com, was found not guilty of 300 counts of breaking & entering, embezzlement, drunk & disorderly, peeping tom, and parking in a Handicapped zone after witnesses were unable to identify him without his mustache.

"THAT WAS HIM???" asked an incredulous alleged peeping tom victim Nedra Pickler. "I remember seeing this huge, curled handlebar mustache stretching nearly three meters across! He looks so different now!"

Pickler also said she would allow the new, more handsome Lowton to peek in her window any time he wishes.

"I didn't see him in the courtroom", said London businessman and alleged scam victim Louis Ventrey. "If I did see him I would have ripped his bloody head off".

"Which one was he?" asked London Policeman Ray Friar. "I arrested someone for urinating on front lawns but he must have been cleverly disguised."

All 151 witnesses in the cases were unable to identify Lowton without his mustache thus causing dismissal of all cases. Some claim that Lowton has also altered his appearance by gaining weight from prodigious amounts of beer drinking.

"I wasn't trying to deceive anyone", Lowton claimed in an interview after the acquittal. "I shaved off my mustache because it was heavy and giving me a hump. And I admit I have gained some well-needed weight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a pint waiting for me. Lowton climbed into a limo with his lawyer, brother Paul and Nedra Pickler.

"He got away with it this time", said prosecuting attorney Mike Nifong. "But someday Justice will be served. And I won't rest until it is".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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