Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 15 June 2007

image for Government Rushes In N-word Bill
He can say it, but you can't (unless you're black)

There was frenzied activity today in the House of Commons today as an emergency Bill was ratified in the wake of the Big Brother n-word fiasco.

From midnight on Saturday 16th June 2007, it will be illegal for anyone who is not black, to use the offensive term 'nigger', and those that do will be dealt with severely by the courts.

The action comes close on the heels of the expulsion from the Big Brother house of BNP member Emily Parr from Bristol, who called her fellow housemate Charley a "nigger". This, said Channel 4 bosses, was "intolerable" as Emily is white.

Black-skinned people, or 'negroes', often refer to each other as 'nigger' or 'nigga' as a term of kinship or familiarity, but this does not extend to non-blacks, for whom the term is strictly taboo. They are expressly forbidden to use the word 'nigger' when referring to black people, and must use the infinitely more polite term 'black'.

Under the new law, blacks, either negros or negresses, may, without fear of reproach, spice-up their use of the words 'nigger' and 'nigga' with a selection of colourful expletives, but a white-assed honky merely hinting at any of the n-words will be seen as outrageously racist.

The government has also decreed that, even white niggers - those white people who wish they were black - will be unable to use the term, although black people will be free to call white people just whatever takes their black fancy.

Labour MP for Hackney North and Stoke Newington Diane Abbott told Andrew Neil on BBC1's This Week programme:

"This is what makes Britain great. Total submission in the face of pressure brought to bear against it by forces within."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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