Dyspraxia sufferer fails in third suicide bid

Funny story written by Breeze

Tuesday, 6 March 2007

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Albert fails in his third suicide attempt

Albert Steven's has suffered from dyspraxia for most of his life. He was diagnosed when he was only eight years old and for years has dealt as best he can with this terrible affliction.

For those of you who don't know, dyspraxia affects up to 10% of the population, 2% severely. People who have dyspraxia have conditions ranging from poor balance to poor hand to eye co-ordination and bed wetting.

"I just couldn't take it any more," wept Albert, "This disease has ruined my life so I decided to end it all. However, my hand to eye co-ordination is all screwed up and I ended up jabbing myself in the nose."This is Albert's third suicide attempt and by far the most successful.

"I first tried to end it all in 2002," said Albert, "I wrote a suicide note and put a gun to my forehead then I pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, I only managed to wing the postman but he was kind enough not to press charges."

Although downhearted, Albert decided to try again.

"I tried to throw myself off a bridge........but I jumped the wrong way and got hit by a scooter. I spent eight months in hospital, three of them trying to get the headlamp out of my ass."

Albert's tragic story highlights the struggle that dyspraxia sufferers go through every week. It is easy to laugh at these people because of the funny way they flop their arms about when they run, or because of their hysterical attempts to dance, but remember even though they look funny and behave like retards, dyspraxia sufferers are people too!

Luckily Albert has now been locked away in an institution where he will spend the rest of his days stitching mail bags and recieving electro-shock therapy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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