Hookhand! Christian Conservatives' Solution to Sin of Masturbation!

Written by Pointer

Tuesday, 6 March 2007

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FrFred hopes the youth of America won't hoist it aloft with their new hooks

In an odd confluence of medicine and religion, Christian conservatives are paying big bucks to have their children's hands replaced with prosthetic hooks.

"This is all in an effort to prevent the onanistic sins of self-abuse that will send our offspring to hell!", according to the very Reverend Father Frederick "The Great" Titslesin: "When I was a sexually maturing lad I had priestly vocation brochures hidden under my matress. But the kids now a' days are strokin' it like there's no tomorrow. And that's boyos and lassies, I'm ashamed to say. These girls can find their clit faster than Vasco DiGama spotted the Cape of Good Hope! That's why we are recommending the "Be the Captain of your own purity Hook Prosthetic device" It's really hard to spank the monkey or pet the pet beaver if you've had your hands lopped off and all you have left are pointy hooks!"

Unbenounced to the hand-snatchers, SnM and sex adventuring youngsters around the globe are finding new and interesting ways to employ their hooks: Hook or by crack, hooks and lewders and hooked on your feelers are just some of the sex games the rebellious "hookas" are smokin'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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