Dundee man discovers secret of moonwalking

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 15 July 2021

image for Dundee man discovers secret of moonwalking
Where Michael Jackson practised his skills

Dundee man Hamish McWhizz shot to internet fame recently after his spectacular moonwalking videos gained popularity on streaming platforms such as Twatch and ImATube. He is now set to perform his dance routine on a nationwide tour, taking in as high profile venues as Scunthorpe Leisure Centre, Dorking Dog Kennels and London Hall.

"I was in the local pub one night when I discovered how to do it," slurred McWhizz. "The Skag and Firkin is a rough place and the toilet floors were completely covered in pish. I was just trying to do my business, but I found that I kept slipping. On my way to the sinks to pretend to wash my hands, I caught a sight of myself in the mirror and I realised I was moonwalking."

It was a revelation. McWhizz watched Michael Jackson videos from the 1980s to investigate further, and he discovered that every time Jackson moonwalked there was a clear layer of green liquid underneath his shoes, covering the entire dancefloor.

"I'm surprised nobody else has noticed that," said McWhizz. "As soon as I saw it, I thought, I'll have to make a penny out of it. The only problem is that my shoes absolutely reek afterwards and I have to spend all my earnings on new pairs."

McWhizz's UK Moonwalking On Piss Tour takes in arenas throughout the country, but only those that have a urine licence.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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