Suicide rates peak in the UK as government announce 10 PM closures in pubs and clubs!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 22 September 2020

image for Suicide rates peak in the UK as government announce 10 PM closures in pubs and clubs!
Closing UK Boozers at 10 PM is enough to make anybody suicidal; BURP! Not only piss-artists!

(NOT EDITED) Covid 19 is killing less, no doubt. However, infection rates are soaring all over the planet, and especially in the UK because younger boozers and clubbers are so utterly irresponsible, they are causing 'Covid Peaks' all over the country.

Other 'UK Peaks' have caused many deaths in the past; idiot climbers and hikers ignoring weather warnings before climbing Ben Nevis, rambling in The Pennines, Yorkshire Dales, Lake District, or desperate to conquer Snowdon.

However, the 'Peaks' causing much trouble now are found in slightly lower terrein, and certainly not 'Peaks' one has to train for, except lifting one's right or left arm constantly, which can cause muscular damage to the biceps if exaggerated, which most Brit boozers do!

Westminster, in all of its wisdom, and desperate not to damage the UK economy any further, have introduced legislation that prohibits binge boozing after 10 PM. Clubs and restaurants are also being locked-down in a mini lockdown to prevent the spread of young guns visiting grandma and grandpa, and giving them something they really do not want.

In addition, another negative aspect of the government's 'wise decision' is; the rate of suicides, or attempted suicides, shooting upwards like a Chinese rocket heading for Mars! Damn Chinese, they are to blame for everything!

Sadly, the 'invasion' of suicidal younger people in hospitals is causing a breakdown in the National Health system because intensive care beds are now occupied by 'wasted' younger people recovering from the terrible experience of not being able to booze after 10 PM.

This is causing a massive BURP, for everybody affected by this damn virus!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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