Captain Tom Exposed by Vigilante Walter Mitty Hunters Club

Funny story written by Dewani Unhatched

Wednesday, 19 August 2020

image for Captain Tom Exposed by Vigilante Walter Mitty Hunters Club
Can you hear me, 'Major' Tom??

Captain Sir Thomas Moore, popularly known as “Captain Tom”, has been exposed by self-styled vigilante group 'The Walter Mitty Hunters Club' for exaggerating his claims of service during World War 2.

The group, made up of former and serving members of the UK armed forces, dedicates itself in exposing so called 'Walts', who either lie about serving in the British military or exaggerate (bloat) about their service.

A spokesman for the group announced, on the club's Facebook page, the following:

"Okay, about time this wanker was exposed. He reckons he was conscripted in the 8th Battalion, Duke of Wellington's Regiment in 1940 and stationed in Cornwall, shortly after the beginning of the Second World War. He alleges he was selected for officer training later that year, and attended an Officer Cadet Training Unit before being commissioned as a second lieutenant on 28 June 1941. He then goes on to 'bloat' that he became a member of the Royal Armoured Corps. According to him, he went on to serve in India and then Burma. Well, I cry BULLSHIT!"

The Facebook post then goes on to claim: "This lying 'cockwomble' was NOT a captain. No. This so-called 'National Treasure' was in fact a major, and it is well documented that at the time he claims to be in India he was actually 'floating in a tin can, far above the moon.' Furthermore, we have evidence to suggest that Major Tom, while claiming to be a tank instructor, was in fact 'floating in a most peculiar way', which suggests to me he was taking mind-altering drugs at the time. Indeed, during the period he says he was serving in Burma, he was actually one hundred thousand miles away. The proof is there; as he actually contacted Ground Control enquiring about his wife!"

The original post has now been commented on over 6000 times, with many expressing their outrage, using words such as 'Dipshit', 'Bloater', 'Walt', and 'Twat'.

We reached out to Captain Tom, and a spokesman told us that he denies all the allegations made against him by the Walter Mitty Hunters Club, and reiterates that he did serve in the British Army between 1940 and 1946.

"He is very upset by these allegations," said the spokesman. "He is feeling blue, and there's nothing he can do..."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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