London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Hapless ex-KGB colonel Alexander Litvinenko RIP may have been the subject of an elaborate wind up by Tessa Jowl's Department for Vultures, Mediocrity and Spots into thinking it was Russian President Vlad The Impaler Putin who was out to get him with that fatal snort of plutonium-enriched cocaine on Halloween evening last year.
The latest forensic findings have now pointed a sticky finger in the direction of the head of global organised crime and his chief script writer Karl Rove following the decoding of secret emails that Jowl's gangster husband David Dark Satanic Mills received prior to his arrest last autumn in yet another humunguous graft probe.
In a plot reminiscent of the Blackadder comedy series Litvinenko was duped into a paranoid persecution complex by oligarch rent boys after some seamy details about his adolescent cravings became the laughing stock of the Ljublianka.
But the 2006 G8 summit in St Rasputinsburg was the origin of his fateful demise after George Bush did the dirty on hushing up his own seminal paedophile career inn exchange for the ultimate gagging order: rigor mortis.
Meanwhile a London memorial service for the toxic spook is being organised by distraught relatives who still can't find where he stashed his hard drive just hours before that fatal radioactive snort sealed his fate.
Rumors are rife that Dark Satanic Mills knows exactly where it is located but is being watched night and day by undercover cops probing the latest spate of letter bombs to him the UK.
Tessa Jowl is on life support.
