Witnesses say that the crotchety old crumpet cruising the Self-Help section of an Omaha Barnes and Nobles was indeed der Fuhrer himself, and, was, according to the witnesses, NOT the happiest Nazi in the bookshop.
"The idiot harked a load on my Game Boy" said one witness who got close enough to see the title of the book "Hitler" was reading. Lionel Witherspoon of Omaha told NSA officials,
"He was reading, get this, 'So, Your Woman's not Just Yet Satisfied Just Yet Eh HITLER?' I swear he was reading that title. There's a book named that. Hitler caught me looking at him read, slammed down the book and chased me a good 10 feet before running out of breath and collapsing in the fiction and fantasy isle gasping for air lol."
Hitler, if alive today would be 118 years old. According to CNN's Sanja Gupta the witness's description of the close encounter does "jive" with the fact 'old people simply can't DO much' let alone at age 118 chase down a 230 lb University of Nebraska fullback (which the witness was), tackle the fullback to the floor and with a cane pummel said fullback within an inch of laughing out loud.
President Bush in conjunction with his supervisor issued an official Oval Office Edict (OOE) saying,
"If Hitler's still alive me and Nancy need to know about it. I'm hereby authorize'n, if it's ok with Nancy, 127,320 National Guard troops to patrol and occupy every Barnes and Nobles on the planet until we can either prove or disprove the existence of the war criminal. So, in addition to the 2.9 trillion I need to track down Bin Laden I'll need another half trillion to track down Adolph Hitler. That ok Nancy?"
Both aisles of Congress promised to get back with the president just as soon as both aisles of Congress stopped rofl'ing in the aisles long enough to come up with enough air to collapse again rofl'in in both aisles of Congress.