In a huge set-back to Tony Blair's scheme to replace Britain's so-called overpriced rogue builders with Polish workers, The Spoof can reveal that Poles will no longer work for nothing, and stand in fields all day eating cabbage and sugar - they're actually here to make a mint.
Our reporter, Doug Pedigree, spent several freezing minutes with one group of disaffected Poles in a field in Lincolnshire to bring us this in-depth report.
'They kept asking me where the money was, then I ran for it.'
The Minister of State for Employment and Welfare Reform, Jim Murphy MP, will be left to sort out the mess. We think he should go to Brussels today to tell the cheese eaters what we think of the EU, and their greedy immigrants.
With thousands of Romanians, Latvians, Trabants, Larssons, and Battenburgs piling into Britain every minute due to EU expansion, we say Britain is full.
If you want to have your say, email The Spoof with your views. We'll print them in full without an apology.