Writers for The Spoof huddled together in terror yesterday, after it was announced that their stories would, in future, be subject to a strict 'Doris' rating.
The move comes in an attempt to halt the gratuitous use of the word 'vagina' in articles.
Editor for The Spoof, Mark Lowton, told reporters, "Here in our cramped council house, we have to read through thousands of these vagina stories everyday. Unfortunately, this can lead to a little known disease called 'Fannyblindness'. It's a lot like snowblindness but with fannies."
In a recent article by Duff, a one eyed hack with a conviction for squirrel bothering, the word 'vagina' was used no fewer than 48 times.
"This is unaccepable," said Mark, "My brother Paul, who edited the piece, has now had to register as blind and, as a result, I have been forced to have him put down. Obviously this is a very distressing time for me, as Paul used to make the tea and sweep up."
The 'Doris' rating, named after a poor, peasant cleaning lady who gave her life in the name of literature, will be used in order to give readers an idea of the content in each story.
A Doris rating of 1 indicates that the story is harmless and can be read by people with a heart condition or diabeties, however, a 'Doris' rating of 10 or above will be packed with vaginas and possibly include George Bush being fisted by Gordon Brown.
A Doris rating of 15 includes anything written by Jalopenoman or Matthew 'Crusty' Morgan.
Spoof writer and good-time-gal, Gail Farrelly, has applauded the move and told reporters, "It is high time we cleaned up 'The Spoof' as it is nothing more than feculent garbage, edited by morons and parading as entertainment. I'd love to say more, but I've been drinking"
*This article has a 'Doris' rating of 3*