In a surprise announcement by the usually demur Times, we learned today that nearly everyone of the Thunderer's editorial writers have come down with "the clap".
"Gonnorhea spreads like wildfire and burns like fire ants running down your urethra!", exclaimed editorial editor, I.Hughes Tupe-Daly. When asked how the dreaded sexually transmitted infection had spread in his newsroom, Tupe-Daly blamed Rupert Murdoch: "That Aussie bastard has put such pressure on us Thunderers with his trashy right-wing rag, The Daily Telegraph, that we don't know what's conservative anymore".
Assistant editor Lotty Greene-Discharj agreed: "The Times held the premier post as England's most conservative paper. That's how we came to be called the Thunderer. Then along comes Murdoch from the penal colony and he out-right-wings us! A liberal paper can't thunder.Maybe it can squeak or whine but thunder belongs to reactionary..."
When asked what this has to do with "the clap" epidemic at the Thunderer, assistant, assistant editor P.I.D.Kronick explained: "Stress, man, stress...who can control themselves under all this pressure and remember a condom at the same time-you try it, brother!"