Vallejo, Ca. (Ass Mess): Arson investigators are probing $75,000-worth of damage to a residential hotel and ground-floor business complex after a guest, Mr Luis Picaso, suddenly found his trousers burst into flames as he played a customary post-prandial game of pocket billiards while watching the porn channel in his hotel room.
Picaso, 59, has been reported to be in a serious condition in hospital where he is being treated for second and third degree burns.
The hotel's owner is denying any liability and has poured scorn on the idea of having pornography available on the in-house TV system: "We think Mr Picaso was watching a video of Blazing Saddles", he said.
Picaso's lawyer has told investigators that a dodgy cell-phone in his trouser pocket must have spontaneously combusted after a particularly lascivious hooker messaging service texted him in response to a call for someting stimulating that aternoon.
But fire department officials said bollox to that after checking that the phone was still working albeit looking a bit charred at the edges.
As he lies in his intensive care bed, one overwhelming question persists to puzzle investiators and medics alike: in the seven to ten minutes that it took to stoke the inferno from his trouser pocket to the hotel room and adjoining business suite, just what was Mr Picaso doing as the flames began to lick his flesh and spread to engulf the bedding, the curtains, the carpet and the wardrobe in his room before smoke alarms activated a response from the local fire brigade?
